PLEASE, SOMEBODY, MAKE ME AN OFFER . . .
Being a published author opens me up to input and comments from the public. Most are uplifting and positive. A few are caustic, but that’s just part of doing business. Then there are the occasional email solicitations I receive that seem downright insulting . . . to my intelligence.
Here’s an example:
“I hope this message finds you well. I am thrilled to share some great news with you! Our literary scouts handed your book to our office, and after a thorough review, we are pleased to inform you that your work aligns with our content standards.
We are excited about the prospect of endorsing your book to a selection of prominent Traditional Publishers, including Penguin, Harper, Macmillan, Hachette, and Simon & Schusters. This endorsement could significantly boost the visibility of your book and open up new avenues for success.
By featuring your book prominently in our store, we aim to connect you with our network of investors and facilitate promotions on esteemed platforms such as The New York Times, LA Times, various Book Festivals, and other media outlets.”
Gosh, that certainly sounds exciting. If only they’d let me know which book of the 14 I’ve published they’re interested in. And come to think about it, why would I want my book(s) endorsed to a selection of publishers if I already have a publisher? Or in my case, several. One of the many mysteries of literary life, I suppose.
And then there was this:
“Hi, Buzz,
Book reviews make a lasting impression—they can entice a reader to make a purchase, provide valuable insight, and help with search algorithms to ensure your book doesn’t get lost.
Our book review service is a one-stop shop to help your book get noticed—we pair your work with avid readers interested in your subject matter, and they craft authentic book reviews to post to your book listing page.
Get 5 authentic book reviews from real readers for just $449, with no additional cost of books to you! That’s right—we will cover the cost of books for your reviewers.”
Gee, what a deal! Only ninety bucks per review? Maybe they didn’t notice I’ve got over 11,000 reviews/ratings on Amazon just for my WHEN HEROES FLEW series alone. And I didn’t shell out money for any of them.
Come on. Somebody. Make me an offer I can’t refuse (with such ease).